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Home » Blogs » Grief : An Overwhelming Emotion

  • Anxiety & Depression

Grief : An Overwhelming Emotion

Reviewed By: Varsha Vartak |
  • Reviewed By: Varsha Vartak
  • Author: admin
  • Published on March 23, 2022
Grief : An Overwhelming Emotion
Table of Contents

The loss of someone or something dear to us can cause immense pain known as grief. Even though it is a part of each oneโ€™s life, grief is a subjective emotion and each oneโ€™s ways of dealing with it differ. There are a few recognized stages of grief which help us identify the emotions of the griever.

The emotional suffering and acute pain after losing something dear or a loved one is known as grief.  The loss can cause overwhelming emotions. It bears along unexpected emotions of retaliation, guilt, hopelessness, etc. 

Grieving is a subjective experience. There is no right or wrong method to grieve. Each one’s grieving process depends on their coping style, life experiences, resilience, faith and significance of the loss. Some people move on with life in a few weeks while some take years to get to terms with the loss. 

Grief can be result of many life incidents other than death, such as:

  • Divorce or relationship breakups
  • Deteriorating health 
  • Unemployment
  • Financial instability
  • Miscarriages
  • Pets going missing
  • Insecurity after trauma
  • Moving out of a family home

Research proves that many can recover from grief on their own with a healthy support group and a positive outlook. Although, if relations with the deceased were difficult, the grieving might be more complicated due to the various emotions attached to the deceased. 

What are The 5 Stages of Grief?

As psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross presented in her book On Death and Dying, there are five stages of grief which are as follows:

  • Denial

The stage of denial attempts at reducing the harshness of the situation. People deny the news and go numb because the trauma leads them into shock where they are unable to perceive the truth. 

If it is news of an incurable illness, the person attempts to deny it by saying the lab got the blood work mixed up. Likewise, if it is news of the death of a loved one, the family denies it by saying the wrong person has been identified. 

Denial helps pace the overwhelming impact of grief. Once the denial begins to fade away, the suppressed sadness surfaces and the process of healing begins. It can be seen in the form of avoidance, fear, elation or confusion.

  • Anger

Once the reality of loss and trauma begins to enter daily life, anger may surface. This anger is often directed towards other family members and close friends or even colleagues. Questions like โ€œWhy me?โ€, โ€œWhere was God during my bad time?โ€ and โ€œWas it my fault?โ€ begin to intrude upon the thought. 

According to researchers, the stage of anger is necessary to fasten the healing. When everything seems to be falling apart, a strong emotion like anger proves to be a safety net, something to hold onto. When grief is overwhelming, it can be seen in the form of anxiety, irritation and frustration.

  • Bargaining

The stage of bargaining provides a false hope. It is a desperate attempt to get life back to the way it was before the unfortunate incident. Scenarios of โ€œWhat ifโ€ and โ€œIf onlyโ€ begin playing out in the mind. โ€œWhat if I had taken my husband to the doctor a year ago, his cancer would have been detected at the initial stages and he would still be aliveโ€. โ€œIf only I were the one driving the car, she would not have been fatally injuredโ€.

Guilt is often an add on to bargaining which keeps eating into the conscience.

  • Depression

Depression is the most accepted form of grief. It occurs when the realization of the loss settles into the soul. It is expected to come in the form of withdrawal, numbness, hopelessness, lack of motivation for daily tasks, anhedonia or even suicidal thoughts. 

Even if the situation may understandably be depressing, moving out of the depressive phase is essential. 

  • Acceptance

Going through the earlier stages with the passage of time helps stabilize emotions. Coming to terms with the new reality, making some adjustments and moving on with life is acceptance. 

Acceptance does not mean the memory of the loss or trauma wonโ€™t bring sadness. There will be bad days when grief is overwhelming for you all over again. But this time the intensity will be less. 

The above theory of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was based on her work with terminally ill patients. It received criticism due to the misunderstanding that each grieving individual must pass all the five stages in the exact sequence in order to heal. 

Kubler-Ross clarified stating, not each one experiences all the five stages and some may experience neither of them. And the stages are certainly not in sequence. Each one can experience them in any order. 

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Common Misconceptions about Grieving

There are certain myths attached to grief which are not psychologically true. Some of them being: 

MYTHFACTS
The pain will go away if ignoredIgnoring the pain will only suppress it and make healing difficult.
Be strong Feeling frightened, lonely and helpless are natural responses to trauma and loss. Showing true feelings increases the chances of faster healing. 
No tears means no sense of lossCrying is a response to sadness but it is not the only right response. Each individual may express grief differently.
Grieving lasts for a yearGrief does not come with a time limit. The length of the healing process determines the duration of grieving.
Moving on means forgetting the loss or traumaMoving on occurs after acceptance and the strength to live with the memory of the loss or trauma.
Close ones are your best supportIf grief is too much to handle despite the support of close ones, a professional grief counselor will be your best support.
Medication helps with griefDuring the troubled phase of grieving medication may cause dependency and lead to addiction. 
Only death deserves griefLoss of any kind, may it be loss of a house, a pet, a job, a relationship, deserves grief. 
Last stage is to overcome and forget itCause of the grief can not be forgotten. The aim is to adjust to the loss and continue life despite that loss. 

The symptoms of grief may present themselves in physical form as well. Often grief which is not expressed emotionally is suppressed and is unconsciously expressed physically in the form of:

  • Headaches
  • Insomnia
  • Fatigue
  • Loss of appetite
  • Aches or pains
  • Nausea
  • Sudden weight loss or weight gain
  • Reduced immunity

Since grief is a personal as well as a universal experience, the above symptoms are present in most grievers in different measures regardless of the cause of their grief. These symptoms persist till the grief has been dealt with on the emotional level. Therefore it is always advisable to reach out for help when grief gets overwhelming. 

Read More:

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Postpartum Depression and Its Long Term Effects on Children

The Other Side of Motherhood: Postpartum Depression (PDD)

Postpartum Depression: Symptoms, Causes, Risks and Types

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Table of Contents

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is grief important?

All the emotions are equally important. Grief being an emotion rooted to loss, needs to be addressed to obtain closure regarding that loss. If grief is not expressed, it gets suppressed and may lead to emotional turmoil or even manifest itself in physical symptoms.

Are grief and depression the same thing?

Grief is an emotion which is experienced by all. Depression on the other hand is a mental health disorder with various symptoms and needs professional treatment. Depression can be triggered through grief.

How does grief affect the body and brain?

Grief can be an overwhelming emotion as it triggers the release of neurochemicals and hormones such as cortisol which has physical implications like loss of appetite, insomnia, anxiety, fatigue and increased blood pressure.

What is the bargaining stage in grief?

Bargaining stage is primarily guided by guilt. The individual has still not accepted the loss, instead they wish for things to go back to the way they were. They might also blame themselves for the loss and wish they were the ones gone, known as survivorโ€™s guilt.

How long does the grieving process last?

Grief itself does not have a time limit. Hence the stages of grief as well do not have a time limit. Neither are they experienced in a certain order by everyone. Grief needs the proper response, consolation and expressing method to lead towards healing.ย 

Can grief lead to mental health problems?

Incase of pre-existing psychological conditions, grief can trigger the symptoms of the respective condition. Grief may lead to low moods, anhedonia and sleep disturbances that can aggravate into depression or other mood disorders.

However, if grief is expressed and dealt with at the right time, further complications can be prevented.

How can people cope with grief?

Accepting and expressing grief are the basic requirements to cope with grief. To be able to let go of something, one must acknowledge its impact. Likewise, through grief therapy, one can accept the loss and learn methods to deal with it.

How can friends and family members support someone who is grieving?

The friends and family of a grieving person can provide them a shoulder to cry on,ย  be present whenever the griever needs them, spend time with the griever, console them. accompany them in their favorite activities. etc

References

  1. Christina Gregory. The Five Stages of Grief: An Examination of the Kubler-Ross Model. ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  Psycom. https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.grief.htmlย 
  2. David Kessler. (2019). Finding Meaning. Scribner.ย 
  3. Elizabeth Kubler Ross. David Kessler.(1969). On Grief and Grieving. Scribner.ย ย 
  4. Melinda Smith. Lawrence Robinson. Coping with Grief and Loss. Helpguide. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htmย 

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