The two letter word ‘NO’ is the most difficult to utter. May it be professional life or personal relations, saying NO feels wrong but is nevertheless necessary in certain situations.Many pose the question, “how do I learn to say no?”.
Saying no politely or setting clear boundaries can be difficult if the request is made by a dear one or your senior at work. Learning how to say no without feeling guilty can be done with the help of a little self-confidence and skill.
Why is it Difficult to Say No?
People who are unable to say no are known as acquiescent. Unfortunately, these people have their own reasons for not saying no. Those reasons may include:
- Guilt of turning something or someone down
- Fear that they won’t be liked by others if they say no
- Inability to prioritize
- The conditioning to be helpful
- In an attempt not to appear a snob
- Habit of people pleasing
- Childhood conditioning of doing something in return of affection
- Low self-worth
Our habit of agreeableness pushes us to say yes in haste when presented with a request. Due to the habit of agreeableness, saying no gives us guilt trips. The internal question being ‘how to say no politely?’
Learn to set clear boundaries and say no politely in therapy
Prioritize yourself and avoid burnout
Learn to say no with the following tips:
- Start with small tasks. You can begin to understand your own boundaries when you start turning down small requests. If your friend asks you to accompany them to the mall but you have work piled up, you can simply say you will not be able to make it today.
- If you are presented with a genuine request and you still wish to say no, try giving an alternative. When someone asks you to help them fill an application and you have another task at hand, offer them the alternative of asking someone else or waiting till you’ve finished your task.
- Instead of giving in to the inclination of saying yes, buy yourself some time, maybe 24 hours. Say you’ll give it a thought. It might be easier to convey a refusal after some time has passed. Conveying it through a message, email or a short call will be less troublesome than an in-person refusal.
- Leaving people hanging in the air without giving them a definite answer is inconsiderate. It is better to answer with a brief response stating no instead.
- It is not necessary to give an explanation everytime. When you want to say no without giving an explanation, try cushioning the blow with a compliment. For instance if you have to turn down the invitation to a family picnic, saying something like “It sounds like a fun plan but unfortunately I have to go to work”.
- Avoid making up excuses or lying in order to avoid the request or favour. It may lead to further complications and damage the relationship. Keep your reason for saying no as candid as possible. If you do not wish to let out the real reason, give a diplomatic response rather than cook up a lie.
- There may be an incident when someone does not accept your no or takes offence of your rejection to their request. At such times, stay firm on your no if your reason for it is genuine. Their reaction to you is not your responsibility. Therefore don’t give way to guilt.
Are you one of those folks who can’t utter the two letter word “no” ? Enroll in our service to learn how to say no politely.
Learn To Say No At Work
Within a work setting, your refusal to take up tasks reflects negatively on your performance sheet. Although, taking up tasks without the bandwidth to deliver them perfectly will also reflect negatively. Saying yes to too many requests will cause an overload of responsibilities without the devoted completion of either of those tasks.
Therefore it is beneficial to turn down additional tasks without guilt in order to maintain your work quality.
An additional task being assigned by your superior or boss can be dealt with by putting the question back to them. Saying “My week is packed with tasks, I could take on this new task next week. Or would you prefer me to replace it with any of my pre-assigned tasks” will give them an explanation as to why no is an option here.
Your colleague’s request to complete a PPT for them may cost you your own productivity. Here, one can get confused about how to say no politely. In professional settings, each yes costs us our time, efforts and skills. The indefinite commitment may also mean closing the door to other better opportunities. Therefore when presented with a request to take on a colleague’s task, a humble reply of “I wish I could help you but unfortunately my plate is full” will suffice
Your nos at the office may not only be towards work related tasks. It may also be for a saturday night party or an office trip.
Be firm and clear about your choice from the start to avoid discrepancy in your behaviour.
Keep in mind that your “no” should not be the beginning of the rollercoaster of guilt in personal as well as professional life.
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